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You as the wife, holds the key in your hands. On the key is written: "NO MORE"

Updated: Feb 9, 2020

What would you say is the key to breaking the stronghold of porn in the church?

I fully agree with what Mike Genung from Blazing Grace ministries says: "After spending most of the past 20 years in this ministry, I can say it is not groups, counselling, books, men, pastors, churches, conferences, nor is it me, Blazing Grace, or any other ministry. All of these are important pieces, but they are not the catalyst to healing."

The key to the porn epidemic… is the wives; those who are married to the men who are addicted to pornography.


After the initial disclosure of porn or adultery, and sometimes, long before the husband decides to get help, it is the wife who keeps the marriage and family together, in spite of her pain.

It is the wife who is the first (and often, the only) one who asks her husband to get help. I have heard many men that it was not until their wife confronted them that they started to get serious about changing; they would have remained stuck otherwise.

Most men don’t get serious about breaking free until after they’re married. This isn’t to say that single men don’t suffer as much as married men, but the stakes are higher when marriage and family are involved.

No one prays as often and with as much fervour for her husband as his wife does. Her prayers are the glue that holds the family together, and the hands that reach for game-changer healing from the throne room of God.

Wives are also the game changer for the church at large. As Lust drives men into themselves, the wife’s pain compels them to seek change on a bigger scale. Inaction for an issue that causes so much trauma and the wreckage is unacceptable.

In spite of all this, most wives are neglected or ignored when churches consider a ministry to those who need healing from porn and adultery. The churches who make an effort might do a men’s conference where a small percentage of the men in the church comes, then think “we’re done!”  The problem with this mentality is that all men and women in every flock need to hear a message of hope and freedom in this arena that includes the specific action steps they need to take. (Saying “porn is sin, don’t do it” doesn’t help anyone.)

So, ladies, remember:

YOU are the key to the porn epidemic. YOU are the Jaels of Judges 4 who need to start pounding stakes into Porn-Sisera’s head. (Read Judges 4 – this was a time when the men were checked out, a lady named Deborah ruled Israel, and Jael took out the general of Syria.) We need you to rise up and make your voice heard. You have paid the ultimate price in pain, abuse and neglect. Don’t let that be wasted."

Learn to say "NO MORE"

Expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

Join my boundaries groups and learn how to use Boundaries as an effective self-care tool.

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